To read the preivous episodes please scroll down.
These are best read slowly…
At the end of Episode Two, Poor Me has just said, “Yes, when things don’t go the way I expect, when they change suddenly, I get confused, like all of a sudden my world changes and I don’t know why.”
I feel compassionate towards this part of me and tears come to the surface, of course this part of me wants help. She feels my presence and can let go and cry. She knows its safe now to express the whole complexity of how it was. The adults in her life were putting out large amounts of energy that her deepest self felt she had to defend against, hide from, find something to hold tight to.
So that’s the memory you go back to when things change unexpectedly in my life. Again I feel compassion for that younger me. I’m glad I’m here to help her now.
I check with my body to see if that’s all but there is still a little tightness in my cheeks so I listen for what’s there. And “Poor Me” says “And I can’t make it stop. It will never change, it will never go away.”
“Oh,” I say – And I remember reading Peter Levine’s book Waking the Tiger. So I say to her, “I know why you believe that – you’re confusing a physiological fact – with a belief about your personal value – I can hear it in your tone of voice. When you say “I can’t make it stop and it will never change”—that’s your system describing what it’s like to be overwhelmed- it’s just a definition of what happens physiologically when a person is overwhelmed and can no longer act in its own defense. Something outside is stronger than what the system can handle. It’s not a description of your self worth or your capabilities. It’s just a description of what your body was experiencing, of overwhelm, of trauma.
We both sit quietly with this coming together of my conscious mind and my body wisdom.
The concentrated tension in my jaw begins to spread out and I can sense this part of me beginning to consider that perhaps there is nothing to be ashamed of. We sit quietly together.
She’s noticing all the years, the energy of resisting the shame. She’s angry that no body has ever explained it to her before. She’s right to be so angry. She likes her anger validated.
And I’m grateful for this Focusing process where I can put together my body’s wisdom with my cognitive thought. With both, I have access to my full intelligence. I can sense possibilities in my life now that had been previously blocked by these inner voices. And when in my daily life I hear Poor Me again, I can sit really close and remind her that it’s just a physiological response not anything about who she is - and turn again to creating my life.
I check in with my body now and there is an openness and expansion, a sense of understanding and resolve.
********
And so now I turn to you my clients and readers. And yes, you are absolutely right, for each person, Poor Me would have a different story – his or her own individual path – different from this person’s story. For my regular Focusing clients I hope this story supports you in your Focusing process. If you don’t know Focusing or if you’re exhausted by your repetitive thought patterns, I can help you. Call or email. I look forward to working with you.
Barbara CulbertsonCertified Focusing Trainer919.452.8490
