Poor Me: Episode Two

Scroll down to read Episode One

These are best read slowly…

Last episode Go Away “Poor Me” had just expressed concerns about people perceiving Poor Me as weak and how that might mean that people will take advantage of you and say bad things about you. Go Away “Poor Me” continues, “then you don’t get the things you want in life and it’s just a vicious cycle, things fall apart and get worse and worse.”

I can sense how worried she is and let her know that I hear that. She likes having my company. I can tell because the heaviness in my heart that started this conversation is less. And I have such a strong sense of what motivates her fear now. And I’m curious if there is anything else she wants me to understand about how she sees life. I really feel connected to this part of me, I can tell by the way I’ve sunk deeper into my self, more relaxed in my body – no longer a sense that I’m using energy to get away from what’s inside.

She continues, “I really need you to do something to keep all those horrible things from happening – I love being alive and want to live fully and have friends and have the things I need in life to be happy.” Of course you do I say. So do I. It’s reassuring to her that we share the same goals. I let her know that I won’t let those bad things happen to her. I will let her live fully – speak her concerns, not talk about her behind her back, allow her the space and support to create, love, and contribute. There is a trust there. The tightness in my chest has disappeared now and I know that I’m free to turn to Poor Me.

As I turn to her I notice tenseness in my cheeks and I’m curious what’s held there. So I turn my attention there and begin to sense what’s there. And yes, it’s “Poor Me” -there in that sensation.

Hello “Poor me”.

She says, “Ah, at last you are here. Things aren’t going so well and it’s been lonely – no one to talk to.”

Yeah – I let “Go Away Poor Me” block my view of you. Sorry. Go Away ‘Poor Me’ sees now that it’s good for me to spend time with you.

In the past several days I’ve heard you say how isolated and alone you felt Poor Me, but I was confused and thought “Go Away ‘Poor Me’ was all of me – was the real me – the Rational-in-Charge-Me that I’m supposed to live by -- I was merged, identified with that part of me. I lost track of the non-judgmental part of me that listens to everybody – both you and Go Away “Poor Me”. I see that now.

Poor Me continues, “Yes, when things don’t go the way I expect, when they change suddenly, I get confused, like all of a sudden my world changes and I don’t know why.”

“Yes,” I say, “ I can see that that would be confusing.” And I sense that this is a very young part of me. And I notice how shaken this part of me is by unexpected change – she’s letting me know how it was-- what she remembered about being young. Wondering what will happen next, would she get hit, would she get hurt, would there be loud voices and lots of big strong energy in the room overwhelming her whole system in a way that stuns her?. She begins to cry – I can hear a voice say ‘somebody help me.’

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Will Poor Me Get the help she needs?

Will anything ever change for Poor Me?

Tune in next time to Inner Soaps for the final Episode of Poor Me.

Barbara Culbertson

919.452.8490
Barbara@heartsinbalance.com

PAUSE #3: POOR ME- Episode One

In Focusing people learn the skill of listening to opposing inner voices in a way that brings resolution. Pre-focusing, my inner voices reminded me of Soap Operas. I used to watch them in my early teens. As time passed, other aspects of my life began to take up the time that was once saved for afternoon Soaps. Years later I turned on TV and an old favorite, General Hospital, was just beginning and so I sat and watched for a while. It was as if I had never missed an episode. The characters’ lives were so much the same, and they were dealing with the same issues in the same unsuccessful ways. Like soap operas, our repetitive thought patterns and hidden beliefs can keep us going in the same circles through the years of our lives.

Focusing skills can help stop those destructive thought patterns and bring to the surface outdated and unhelpful beliefs. When we understand deeply our inner parts we have a choice about how to use them – we no longer get caught up in them without awareness. If we do, it’s only for a short time – then we can turn to them and because we know them deeply we’ll know what to say to send them happily on their way. They loose their grip.

Occasionally, I’ll be relaying to you contents of people’s focusing sessions to help you learn the process. I’ve decided to describe these sessions as if those thought patterns were characters in a story. I call these stories Inner Soaps. Here is: Poor Me, Episode One

These are best read slowly...

This week I’ve been hearing regularly from something in me that feels sorry for herself, I call her “Poor Me.” Another part of me doesn’t like it that Poor Me feels sorry for herself and wants Poor Me to go away. I call her, Go Away, ‘Poor Me’. Go Away, ‘Poor Me’ is embarrassed that I’m talking about Poor Me in public. I acknowledge the presence of both and I’m beginning to sense how best to be with them. I hold a space for both to be fully present, to rise to the surface so that I can know them intimately.

I know they are there because I feel this heaviness in my chest...So I’m taking time to sense which of these two voices wants my attention first.

“Go Away, Poor me” says that she wants to go first. She’s afraid that people won’t like me any more if I let them know that “Poor me” exists. I acknowledge that I hear what she's telling me. I take time to sit with her. This part of me believes that she’s supposed to have a stiff upper lip. “When things aren’t going the way you like them to – you know,‘just suck it up!’”

“Oh”, I say. I’m silent for a moment then I invite her to let me know what might happen if she refuses to suck it up ?”

“Well” she said, “people see that you are weak and they’ll begin to take advantage of you, talk about you behind your back, say bad things – so that they will look better than you do.”

“Oh,” I say again, no wonder you want “Poor Me” to go away.

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Will Go Away, 'Poor Me' always just suck it up?

Will Poor Me ever get her turn to speak?

Tune in next time for Episode Two of Inner Soaps...