Hearts in Balance

2011-12-30T07:44:00.000-08:00

Ka Ta See: Learning the Ways of Balance
Barb Culbertson
Certified Ka Ta See Healing Practitioner,
Certified Lymph De-Congestion Therapist, Certified Focusing Trainer
LMBT (NC-821)

EXPLORING CLOSENESS THROUGH MEDITATION

In this workshop we’ll spend time exploring some ancient teachings about who we really are. The Ka Ta See people, from Peru, believe that the truth about who we are is our joy, exuberance, peace, our sense of awe, happiness- our passion for being alive. In class we’ll meditate on times in our lives when we have experienced these positive emotions. Then we’ll do interactive meditations, in pairs and in groups using gentle hand contacts to experience how choosing these positive emotions for our life can add to our ability to be close. The hand contacts are optional.

EVENINGS: 2nd and 4th Wednesday 7:15PM - 8:45PM
January 4- May 23, 2012

Health Touch Community Center 3500 Westgate Drive, Suite 504, Durham, NC 27707

10 classes for $100 (prepaid) or $15 a class drop-ins

Please register for a series by January 7, 2012
culb1951@gmail.com or
919.452.8490

2011-08-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

Breast Health

Lymphatic Drainage of the Breast

Monday, September 26, 12:00-1:00pm

Health Touch

3500 Westgate Drive, Suite 504

Durham, NC 27707

Immune system and blood recycling function of the lymphatic system

Detailed information about lymphatic drainage of the breast

Gentle electrical technology that stimulates flow of lymph

Feel free to invite your clients and friends. Please let me know if you plan to attend.

Barbara Culbertson

919.452.8490

culb1951@gmail.com

Certified Ka Ta See Healing Practitioner

Certified Lymph De Congestion Therapist

Certified Focusing Trainer

NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #821

www.lymphatichealthnc.com

2011-08-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

Breast Health
Lymphatic Drainage of the Breast

Wednesday, August 24, 12:00-1:00pm

Health Touch
3500 Westgate Drive, Suite 504
Durham, NC 27707

$5

Immune system and blood recycling function of the lymphatic system

Detailed information about lymphatic drainage of the breast

Gentle electrical technology that stimulates flow of lymph

Feel free to invite your clients and friends. Please let me know if you plan to attend.

Barbara Culbertson
919.452.8490
culb1951@gmail.com
Certified Ka Ta See Healing Practitioner
Certified Lymph De Congestion Therapist
Certified Focusing Trainer
NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #82
www.lymphatichealthnc.com

2011-06-07T19:40:00.000-07:00

Free Event
Lunch and Learn

Lymphatic Drainage of the Breasts

Monday June 27, 12-1pm

Health Touch Community Center
3500 Westgate Drive, Durham, NC 27707

** The lymphatic system: protecting your body, recycling your blood
** How lymph congestion effects breast pain, fibrotic conditions etc.
** Self-help and massage (manual and technological) approaches to stimulating the flow of lymph

Feel free to invite your clients and friends.

Please let me know if you plan to attend.

Barbara Culbertson
919.452.8490
culb1951@gmail.com
Certified Ka Ta See Healing Practitioner
Certified Lymph De Congestion Therapist
Certified Focusing Trainer
NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #82
www.lymphatichealthnc.com

Family, Friends, Holidays and Unconditional Love

2010-12-16T10:12:00.000-08:00

Ka Ta See: Learning the Ways of Balance.

I’m interested in creating community with you by sharing with you the gifts and knowledge of an ancient spiritual tradition that I have studied since 1994. I’ll be writing briefly about different topics then giving you the perspective of that topic from the Ka Ta See tradition. Ka Ta See means Setting the World in Balance. This tradition is known to be at least 30,000 years old. Their view of the world is quite different from ours. I find it intriguing and hopeful. Please feel free to share these emails with friends.

This is a time of year that occasionally extenuates the challenging parts of relating to our families and friends. So I wanted to take time to share with you some Ka Ta See ideas on unconditional love.

One thing these ancient teachings say about loving yourself and others unconditionally is that it means: 1) making no assumptions, 2) having no blind beliefs, 3) taking no expectations, 4) no jumping to conclusions and 5) no judgments. We call them the No No’s.

In those moments during the holidays, or any time actually, that relating to others you care about becomes difficult-- perhaps take a moment to check in with yourself -- sense around, invite the sensations in your body to let you know if you are loving yourself unconditionally?

In the Ka Ta See tradition, to love yourself starts with knowing who you are. In this tradition the truth about you is the sensation that is created in your body when you are feeling passionate about being alive, things that make you feel exuberant, joyful, happy, vibrant. Everything else you carry around in side of you are simply patterned responses that you traded in for pieces of your true spirit, your soul. These trades are usually made in stressful or traumatic situations where some part of our spirit says “this is too much – I’m out of here.” And we send it away for safe keeping. Our society teaches us that what we are to replace these spirit parts/soul pieces with are patterned responses and blind beliefs. In fact we are taught that this is the way to be safe, successful, to do things right.

So check in with yourself – check out the sensations in your body notice if there are places in your body that feel blocked or stuck – if so- there are probably No, No’s present.

Is there an assumption lurking nearby that you are unworthy or unlovable?
Do your blind beliefs about people you care deeply about keep you from knowing them when down deep you long to know and be close to them?
Are your expectations of yourself harsh – unrealistic – too big or too small?
Does your jumping to conclusions cut off conversations and leave you feeling unsatisfied and isolated?
Are there things you do in your life that are driven by the desire to silence that dreaded inner critic?

These things block us from knowing our true selves, from experiencing vibrancy running through our bodies.

Notice if checking in with yourself creates a little space for there to be kindness toward yourself or others. Then take a moment to think about something, an experience in your life, a memory of feeling a sense of beauty , joy, and happiness perhaps a time when you were doing something you really love to do, or enjoying the trees, the soil, the sky, listening to your favorite music, a special event. Give that to yourself as an act of unconditional love. Identify with the sensation in your body that memory creates as the truth about yourself. Consider the possibility that the sensation that is created by focusing on joy, beauty, exuberance, vibrancy, awe, - is who you really are.

Ka Ta See teaches that this sensation, your Song, holds in it the knowledge of all the gifts you came in with, the path you came to walk, the desires and will of your spirit, your connection with all of creation, and your individual piece of Creator.

To choose or post a response scroll down the page.

For a free copy of the Song Magic CD go to:
http://www.worldbalance.com.
Find the rotating links toward the top of the home page and click on Free Song Ceremony.

Happy holidays!

Barb Culbertson
Ka Ta See: Learning the Ways of Balance
Certified Ka Ta See Practitioner
Certified Focusing Trainer
Certified Lymph Decongestion Therapist
Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist (NC- #821)

I’m mailing these first few to all my contacts and will assume you want me to continue mailing to you unless you unsubscribe. For your friends to join this mailing or for anyone who wishes to unsubscribe click on this link and write subscribe or unsubscribe in the subject line: culb1951@gmail.com.

Who We Really Are

2010-09-16T12:03:00.000-07:00

Hello my friends and clients,

I’m interested in creating community with you by sharing with you the gifts and knowledge of an ancient spiritual tradition that I have studied since 1994. I’ll be writing briefly about different topics that I enjoy then giving you the perspective of that topic from the Ka Ta See tradition. Ka Ta See means setting the world in balance. This tradition is known to be at least 30,000 years old. Their view of the world is quite different from ours. I find it intriguing and hopeful. Please feel free to share these emails with friends.

Who we really are:

Since 1994 I’ve studied an Ancient Peruvian spiritual tradition. This tradition is known to be at least 30,000 years old. Their view of the world is quite different from ours. This tradition has given me truths and experiences that are invaluable to me. Ka Ta See means setting the world in balance. One foundation of the Ka Ta See philosophy is their understanding of self. Self in this tradition is the sensation that we experience when we are feeling passionate about being alive, joyful, excited, and adventurous, doing something we love. In this tradition Self is a feeling, a body sensation, not our thoughts not our emotions but our own unique vibration – a feeling in our body. And everything else we hold in our field is not the truth about ourselves, but data or recordings and patterns that we’ve used to replace our passion for living. Our thoughts they say are tools that we use to create with – thoughts and words of our own choosing. Most of us live as if our thoughts are the “master and the center, and we spend our lives trapped in their movements and patterns. Hooked like a big fish.”*

The Ka Ta See children are taught to trust this feeling – their Song as they poetically call it. In this sensation, this feeling, is held all the knowledge of the gifts that you were born with, the path that you have come to walk , the desire and will of your spirit, the piece of creator that you are and your doorway to communicating with all that is.

To seek one’s song will without fail knock you off your web, take you outside your box, and stretch you toward your vastness. This is a story from the Reluctant Shaman about Kay Cordell Whitaker’s Peruvian teacher, Domano’s first falling off his web.

This story is best read slowly.

“We were in my village. It’s a small village. Only sixty-five people. Well, maybe I count a dog or two, too. We were preparing for a happy day. A special joy for all my people. One of our women chose a big happy man from the Zictato people downriver. They will be companions. And they chose our village to live. And have many children. They make a great joy in our village to bring the laughter of children for all. Everyone is happy. Everyone is very excited. There are not that many people, so there are not that many –‘weddings’-as you say. We don’t have a word like that. Taking a companion for life is a different way with my people.

“Among my people it is believed that all animals and plants are smart. They can be a friend if you are good. Some people believe rocks and dirt and mountains and rivers are smart, too. And will make very good friends. When I was young I had animal friends. And some plant friends, too. I was a pretty good guy. I didn’t think so sure about rocks being smart, though. I thought maybe those people got hit in the head with a rock.

“My teachers said nothing. They just watch me and wait for a perfect time to show me. To lead me to the edge of my web.

“People are busy with this and busy with that. They make fancy grass-bark skirts and capes. And make paintings on their houses, carve special magic, fix lots of food and prepare for the ceremonies. Everyone runs around. They practice songs and dances. Some men go into the jungle and cut large poles, branches, reeds. They bring them to the women, who build a new house for our young couple. The young woman’s grandfather catches a pig for a gift to the young man. All is working very well for the village. Everyone is having lots of fun.

“My teachers had asked me what I thought about rocks and things being alive. Smart,” he said, tapping his chest. “I said they didn’t seem to be. They never talked to me like the animals did. They were brothers on this world to me, but they didn’t seem to be like that.” My teachers say, ‘Hmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmm.’”

“So how did your teachers lead you to the edge of you web, Domano?” I asked.

“Oh. That was not hard. My web was very small when I was young. I sure didn’t have to go far. Your web is much bigger than mine was.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“That the world you have built your web to be reaches farther, includes more. Weaves together with far more other webs. It is very complex. Mine was simple. It was very easy for me to fall off the edge,” and he made a sudden and precise movement with his body, appearing to fall and tumble completely off the bench, flailing his arms and legs, giving the illusion that he had a far greater length to fall than one foot. Then he giggled. I felt as if the bottom had fallen out from under me. I was dizzy and disoriented. My stomach felt as if it had been dropped from an airplane, and I was becoming nauseated.

His “falling” was so sudden and so perfectly mimed, it took me completely by surprise. I believed in his oldness and doddering, and in one second he tore that image and belief apart. In that moment his movements were the studied movements of a twenty-year-old acrobat. And then, just as quickly, he was up on the bench and back to his feeble self. I laughed. I had difficulty formulating thoughts and justifying to myself how such a doddering old man could also be so ominous, fearsome, youthfully agile, and comical.

“The other men in the tribe hunted wild pig for the feast,” he just continued on with his story, his eyes flickering. “They were going to roast several in a big hole that was lined with fire, and many sweet leaves and fruit. Pigs like that taste very good.” I had a hard time listening or concentrating. I felt as if my brain and stomach had been left back on the floor with Domano’s fall.

“What did you say the pigs were roasted with?” I interrupted.

The pigs were fired up with many sweet leaves.” He grinned. “And fruit. It is very special. Very sacred. Only for the best ceremonies,” he said giggling. “Just watch my lips. You will be okay.

“Our celebration was getting a big momentum. It was the day before the ceremony and my teachers come to me with the young woman’s father. They want me to be the singer of the sacred joining song. This was a great honor. I was very surprised they wanted me.”

By now I was completely captivated by the story, imagining the jungle village around me with all the sights and sounds and excitement.

“Usually this is asked of a much older person. This song has to be brand new for each ceremony. There was not much time. I wasn’t so sure, but my teachers said to the father, ‘Oh, yes. Oh, sure. He can do it. He’s good. There is plenty of time for him. Have no worries. Damono will provide your family with a most special song.’

“This worried me a whole lot. I have never made a song like that before. I never was even a very good singer. My teachers send him on his way to gather herbs to burn while I go make the song.

“I say to my teachers, ‘Wait. I’m scared. I’m scared I can’t do this special job. You better get an older person.’ They pat my back, and look understanding and concerned. One hands me some meats and fruits. They say to go out and find the song. I did not know what that was. How does somebody ‘find’ a song? They tell me quietly, so no one else hears, to go the giant rock not far from the little waterfall at the opening of snake’s cave. Put my head close to the rock and ask for the sacred song that belongs to the woman’s family. Then listen. The rock will tell me the song. I must remember perfectly and bring it back. This is the secret of sacred songs. They make me say not to tell the secret.

“So I go to the rock. I do not think this is a good idea. I spend lots of time wondering if a snake is coming out of the hole. I watch and watch and watch. I do not have my head close to rock. That is too close to snake’s hole. I am pretty scared. After a while I see that it is getting much later, and I have no song. I haven’t even listened! So I worry about that too. I think that if I don’t bring back the song, maybe I better not go back at all. I t would be a big disgrace. I feel very ashamed. But not enough shame for me to do such a silly foolish thing as listening to a rock and putting my head close to a snake’s house. The later it gets the more disgrace and silly I feel. It is a bad place to have one’s self in.

“So the sun is getting kind of low. Now I think to myself, I better put my head to the stone and try. I bend my body in a very unstable place to keep as much as me as possible away from the snake’s home. And set my head on the rock near the top so I can still see the hole and keep watch.

“I am all bent funny like this when out of the hole comes a very huge snake. Then I try to pull back as fast as possible. I am very full of fear. I cannot think. I jerk back, forgetting how unbalanced I put my body. Oh! I slipped very good. And get myself wedged between the giant rock and some little rocks next to it. I cannot move easily. And quick as breath, the big snake comes over the top of the rock and hisses at me. We are very close, about one arm’s length. This snake I know could tell how much fear I have. I decide to not move a hair. So we stare at each other for a pretty long time. Then I notice my head is against the giant rock. I think maybe this is a good time to listen to the rock, while standing off the snake. So I sit there, stuck and shaking, staring at the snake, trying to listen to the rock.

“Oh! I hope real hard that no one comes by and sees me I think I look very foolish, and I am scared half to death! This is what happens, I speak to myself, when a youth is sent to do an old one’s job. Tears begin to roll down my check. I feel so sorry for myself.

“Then I think I hear sounds inside the rock. I hold my breath. Snake hisses and moves its head a little closer. I hear more sounds. And more. I try to hold myself still from shaking so I can hear the rock. That does not work so good, but the sound gets louder, and I can hear it better. I cannot believe this. The rock is really singing to me! So I listen, hard, and remember the song real good. Perfect. I sing it out loud to the rock, forgetting about the snake still arched in front of me. The rock likes my singing a lot. I sing several times and notice that snake likes the song too. It smiles at me, and moves away back into its hole.

“This is such a very exciting time for me. I have succeeded I make myself very happy. Very proud. I think I am pretty hot stuff. When the snake is out of sight I pull myself loose and thank the rock. I leave a present of my necklace for the rock. It is not much of a gift for what the rock gave, but it is the most special thing I have. The rock is happy. I am happy. Snake is happy. I run all the way back home, singing the song. I make a great presentation at the ceremony. Everyone is happy.” He stopped talking and looked at me gently. The Reluctant Shaman by Kay Cordell Whitaker pg 15-19. * from The Reluctant Shaman pg 24.

To subscribe or unsubscribe go to culb1951@gmail.com and write in the subject line subscribe or unsubscribe.

2010-07-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

Teachings from the Ways of the Eastern Andes
Ka Ta See: Setting the World in Balance, As Taught by the Hetakas*

Setting Our Hearts in Balance
Ancient Knowledge, Practical Skills

This workshop offers an amazing opportunity to experience an ancient knowledge of the truth of who we really are. The Ka Ta See tradition has been passed down orally for at least 30,000 years. Its point of view is unique and powerful. You’ll also learn a meditative process called Focusing to help clear your body and your fields of unhelpful blind beliefs and automatic responses. These spiritual practices can help you to know the fullness of your gifts to the world, what to trust in life and to help you manifest your heart’s desire.

August 21 and 22
1pm Saturday to 3pm Sunday

Turkey’s Meadow Retreat Center in Meadow of Dan, Virginia
(90 miles north of Greensboro, NC)

$200
(includes lodging and food)

**12 CEs (self-care) for Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist **

Taught by Barbara Culbertson
Certified Ka Ta See Healing Practitioner, Certified Focusing Trainer
Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, NC-821,
NCBTMB Approved Provider #450834-08
www.heartsinbalance.com

To register call:
Beth Winn at 336.674.1400 or email her at elwyogi@bellsouth.net,
To find out more about the retreat center go to www.juicefasts.com

* Chea and Damano Hetaka were the two Shamans that mentored Kay Cordell Whitaker, the lineage carrier of the Ka Ta See tradition in the Western Hemisphere. She is author of The Reluctant Shaman and Sacred Link

The Oiling of America

2009-05-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

The Oiling of America
A documentary presented by Sally Fallon Morell

The diet-heart hypothesis (the premise that saturated fats in animal foods and cholesterol in our blood lead to heart disease, cancer, obesity and other chronic aliments) is repeatedly shown to be wrong, and yet, for complicated reasons of pride, profit and prejudice, the hypothesis continues to be exploited by scientists, fund-raising enterprises, food companies and even governmental agencies. The public is being deceived by the greatest health scam of the century.

Dr. George Mann, an associate director of the widely cited
Framingham Heart Study on cardiovascular risk factors.

I saw this 2 hour documentary at the Real Food, Real Medicine Conference at the Friday Center early this year. I found the information presented to be somewhat shocking in a heart dropping kind of was …as in “surely this can’t have happened.” I want the people I know and care about to know this information. I’m not an expert on nutrition but I do want company in feeling, thinking and acting about what’s presented in this documentary. So I invite you my friends and colleagues to join me in watching and discussing this presentation.

***You are welcome to bring and eat your dinner and as we watch the DVD***

$10 donation requested

Thursday June 18, 2009
6:30pm – 9:30 pm
Health Touch 3500 Westgate Drive, Suite 504 Durham, NC 27705

Please come and know that it will be helpful if you
let me know if you plan to attend.

Barbara Culbertson
919.452.8490
Culb1951@gmail.com
www.heartsinbalance.com

Relectant Shaman Study Group

2009-05-04T08:29:00.000-07:00

Study Group
Reading Kay Cordell Whitaker’s
The Reluctant Shaman
and participating in two of the initiation ceremonies from the Hetaka Tradition.

The Hetaka Tradition is from a people who live in the Peruvian Andes. They are a matriarchal society that live in intimate relationship with the earth and all of creation. The truth about who we are, they say, is held in the sensations we experience when we are feeling joyous, delighted, excited… passionate about being alive. Not our thoughts, not our emotions. And in this vibration is held the knowledge of the path we were born to take, the true desires and will of our spirit, how we connect to all other things, and how we connect to and are part of Creator. They call this unique vibration our Song. And when we are in our Song we are full of curiosity, wanting to know, loving life, wanting experience and wanting fun.

4 classes every other week beginning on Monday
June 1, 2009
7:30-9:00 for discussions
7:30-9:30 for ceremony

$60

Barbara Culbertson
Certified Katasee Healing Practitioner
Registered Polarity Practitioner
Certified Focusing Trainer
NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #821
919.452.8490
culb1951@gmail.com
www.heartsinbalance.com

To register send $30 to Barbara Culbertson, 3500 Westgate Plaza, Suite 504, Durham, NC 27707 by May 20, 2009. Please call or email for more information.

Pause 18: Don't Miss This Opportunity

2009-01-04T11:58:00.000-08:00

What are the essential
unbreakable rules
for healing and happiness?

Saturday January 17, 2009 1-5pm
Health Touch, 3500 Westgate Drive, Durham, NC 27707
Suggested Donation: $10

Come join me in listening to this intensely thought-provoking and possibly life-altering audio recording of Kay Cordell Whitaker’s Public Bone Throw that addresses the above question. This Bone Throw is loaded with information that can help you aim yourself more clearly for your personal and more global life purposes and for your health and happiness. The Throwing of The Bones is one of the most ancient forms of divination, or talking with the Spirits, known. It is a tradition that is passed down among the women in the culture of the central eastern Andes. The long training of more than thirteen years in this delicate art was given to Kay Cordell Whitaker by the Amazon elder and shaman Chea Hetaka. Kay Cordell Whitaker is author of

The Reluctant Shaman and
Sacred Link: Joining Fortunes with the Unknown.

Some of the topics covered in the Bone Throw:
1) Current State of Human Consciousness
2) Regaining our passion/Manifestation
3) Cleaning out our systems/Taking in Health
4) The Female as the non-linear/The Male as the linear

For question or to RSVP please call or email Barb Culbertson, Certified Katasee Healing Practitioner, Certified Focusing Practitioner, Registered Polarity Practitioner, and NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #821 at 919.452.8490 or barb0714@gamil.com www.heartsinbalance.com

Pause #17: Identity Focusing

2008-12-01T09:57:00.000-08:00

Identity Focusing: A gentle yet powerful aide to working with unwanted repetitive thoughts and behaviors and sustaining and nourishing your true self.

I worked for eleven years at a residential treatment center for people who overeat. The people who came there were experts at losing weight and were dedicated to trying new ideas that might help them loose weight again. Maintaining weight loss was the problem.
Some important things I learned from my experience there was that one of the biggest challenges facing people trying to make change are the myth of will power. The myth is that “people don’t change because they lack will power.” The misinformation is the belief that we are our thoughts and emotions. The truth about who we are according to an ancient Spiritual tradition is that the sensation we feel in our bodies when we are excited, joyful, passionate, feeling pleasure or that poignant stillness- that who we really are. That sensation holds the whole of our gifts and talents, our knowingness and our ability to relate to ourselves and with a non-judgmental curiosity, open heartedness. It is also our access to communication with the whole of creation. *

Lydia had driven to the center from several states away and had car pooled with another participant from her area. One night after dinner they were walking back to their accommodations and on the way Lydia’s friend Beth ask her if she wanted to spend some time together before they went to their rooms. Lydia told Beth that she had a business call to make and couldn’t do that. Two more times Beth asked again, each time Lydia said, “No.” When Lydia stepped inside her room and closed the door she had a sudden overwhelming urge to eat. This was very confusing to her because she just finished eating and could remember the food being satisfying – she had felt full. Nevertheless, she still had an overwhelming urge to eat. Lydia had a bag of pretzels in her room just in case she got hungry. As someone with a history of binge eating, Lydia knew that if she opened the bag of pretzels she would end up consuming the entire bag.

When she came to me for a Focusing session the next day, she told me how for ten minutes she struggled and agonized over how not to eat the pretzels. Would she hide them under the bed, throw them in the trash can. Finally she thought of the incinerator outside and threw them there. She felt very proud of herself for not eating the pretzels but was still quite perplexed about why she got so hungry right after dinner. She analyzed the situation in her head over and over again. Was it because she had exercised so much since she arrived at the center was it because the foods were new and different? Maybe she got enough volume but no enough calories. Her circling thoughts were about food, things she was doing to loose weight and what kind of will power it might take to succeed this time.

The next morning when we started her Identity Focusing session I invited Lydia to close her eyes a moment and to think of a place in nature that she loved. I encouraged her to use her senses to give life to this memory, to remember the fragrances, the textures, the colors, the sounds. And to give herself permission to bask in this memory. I asked if she were able to do this and she nodded yes. Then I asked her to notice how it felt in her body to have that memory so present. She said peaceful. I asked where she felt that most in her body. She reported – “All over my body.” Then after a moment more … “aaah, a little more in my heart.”

At that moment Lydia was experiencing the truth about herself. With that sensation in her body she had momentarily uncovered and was experiencing the true Lydia, the part of her that had access to her wholeness, her passion for life, her talents, her sense of purpose and her ability to be open to hearing what her body’s wisdom had to say about how and when she had given her power away to patterned thinking and feeling and in this case eating.

Starting there I then asked her if she would close her eyes again and place herself inside her room the night before right after she closed the door. After a moment she nodded yes. Again I asked her to use her senses to bring this memory to life. When she reported that she had a strong sense of this memory I asked again for her to notice where she felt that memory in her body. She was surprised at the question but took a moment to sense in her body. Then she said in her throat.

I asked her to invite a word, phrase or image that best described what the sensation in her throat felt like. Her first response was “tense.” I then asked her to take that word “tense” and hold it next to her throat to see if that word matched what she felt in her throat. The Identity Focusing process really allows people time to slow down and notice what’s really happening in their bodies in a non-judgmental and curious way and gain wisdom from its knowledge. Then she said, “perhaps constricted is a better word.” I repeated “constricted” back to her for her to hear and again to listen for resonance between the meaning of the word and what she felt in her throat. She was quiet for a moment. Then her eyes flew open she said “FORCED, it feels forced – I know what happened!”

She proceeded to tell me how right before she left home for the Center she and her mother had a fight and she had felt forced. This was an old painful pattern between her and her mother. And when Beth had asked the third time for Lydia to do something with her that last evening Lydia felt forced.

The wisdom that surfaced from the non-judgmental curiosity toward the sensation in Lydia’s throat was the lost conscious connection between the painful pattern that exists between her, her mom and eating. Early on in our lives we learn by watching the adults around us that it’s not safe to trust our aliveness our passion for living our delight. And we learn to exchange our true identity – that sensation we get when we feel joyful, delighted, excited for patterned responses. And our patterned responses serve us well. They faithfully repeat their messages whenever they are triggered.
At some point Lydia learned that to cover the pain of feeling forced in relationship to her mom- eating was effective at numbing the pain. At that point she gave away a piece of her self (her joy, her peace, her exuberance) in exchange for an automatic pattern that included thoughts, emotions and behavior. Over time the pattern became second nature... continued in Pause #18

Pause #16 : Unleashing the Fullness of your Joy

2008-11-05T17:35:00.000-08:00

Unleashing the Fullness of your Joy to Create Momentum for your Manifestations
Saturday, January 17, 10am-4pm, $60
3500 Westgate Drive, Suite 504, Durham, NC 27707

Do the books and movies on manifestations and attraction excite you and give you hope? And do you sometimes feel discouraged and confused about why your manifestations don’t work? One of the things that block our manifestations is our old outdated blind beliefs – beliefs and fears that are often in our subconscious mind, just below the surface. Another thing that blocks our manifestations is our unwanted repetitive thoughts and behaviors. Because energy follows what we give attention to, part of our manifesting energy follows our blind beliefs and our unwanted patterned responses. Come learn and practice your focusing skills that will help you identify blind beliefs and reach a sense of resolve about patterned responses. Experience the sense of wholeness and ease that comes when your joy and passion for living are lined up with the intentions that hold your hopes and dreams.

I find that workshop settings – focusing in groups and in pairs, deepens an understanding of and trust in the focusing process and allows us to experience the richness of focusing with different people throughout the day.

You’ll be surprised what you can accomplish in a day

When you arrive at 3500 Westgate Drive, Suite 504, you’ll see a sign that says Health Touch—we are a group of 15 or so practitioners in this very welcoming lovely office space. Go around to the right side of the building to enter the classroom. The room we’ll be in is spacious, lots of windows, lots of trees, peaceful. Yet its convenient to many tasty restaurants. Westgate Plaza is right across the street from the Super Target on 15-501. There is also a full kitchen for those who want to bring lunch…a picnic table close by.

Sense into your body to see if there is a wanting of
more energy for your hopes and dreams

Call or email me to register:

Barbara Culbertson
Certified Focusing Trainer
Certified Katasee Healing Practitioner
Registered Polarity Practitioner
NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #821
919.452.8490
www.heartsinbalance.com
Barb0714@gmail.com

Pause #15: Expanding Presence and Nov 1 Workshop

2008-10-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

One of the key concepts of Focusing is what is referred to in inner relationship focusing as Presence, that spacious non-judgmental curiosity. In an ancient spiritual tradition that I am trained in, the truth about who we are is the sensation in our body that we feel when we experience or remember times in our lives that are delightful, happy, joyful, full of aliveness and curiosity. To me this is a very similar sensation to the feeling of Presence. The added gift of wisdom from this ancient culture is that this sensation of joy, delight, happiness, curiosity is the truth about who we are – when we are experiencing that sensation we are experiencing our true selves. That sensation holds the totally of our gifts, our knowingness, our ability to know and be know by all of creation. So now my Focusing sessions starts with my spending time with the sensation created by my sense of delight, aliveness, curiosity – sitting down with it getting to know it. More and more I turn to this sensation throughout the day. As often as possible I greet my world and those voices inside me that need my attention from that place. It’s a powerful addition to my Focusing practice.

Beyond the Myth of Will Power: Saturday November 1, 10am-4pm $60

As successful as we are in so much of our lives, there are often those lingering habits-- patterns of thinking feeling or acting-- where we feel stuck. Sometimes these un useful patterns seem impossible to change. Gratefully, Focusing is a kind and invigorating approach to change. Many of us have come to love this gentle non-judgmental process. In our sessions we sense, we receive that next best step, and then the next best step.

On Saturday, November 1, I’ll be presenting a day-long workshop “Beyond the Myth of Will-Power to a Sense of Freedom and Choice.” It’s a day for working on anything that you feel stuck about. So often we’re told or we tell ourselves that we don’t make change because we don’t try hard enough – we lack will power and determination. Focusing is a process that allows change with such ease. We’ll take time to listen deeply to the voices in us that want to change and the voices that don’t want to change and to receive the forward going energy of both.

I find that workshop settings – focusing in groups and in pairs, deepens an understanding of and trust in the focusing process and allows us to experience the richness of focusing with different people throughout the day.

You’ll be surprised what you can accomplish in a day

Sense into your body to see if there is a wanting there for change

Call or email me to register:
$60 10am-4pm

Barbara Culbertson
Certified Focusing Trainer
Certified Katasee Healing Practitioner
Registered Polarity Practitioner
NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #821
919.452.8490
www.heartsinbalance.com
Barb0714@gmail.com

Greetings to my clients, friends, and previous students. Welcome to Pause – short reminders of ways to be with ourselves that bring vitality and passion and that feeds our desire to wake-up --to be present and energetic in the moments of our lives. These will come your way twice a month. To unsubscribe email me with the word unsubscribe in the subject line.

Pause # 14: Making Change

2008-10-07T08:28:00.000-07:00

As successful as we are in so much of our lives, there are often those lingering habits-- patterns of thinking feeling or acting-- where we feel stuck. Sometimes these un useful patterns seem impossible to change. Gratefully Focusing a kind and invigorating approach to change. Many of us have come to love this gentle non-judgmental process. In our sessions we sense, we receive that next best step... and then the next best step.

On Saturday, November 1, I’ll be presenting a day-long workshop “Beyond the Myth of Will-Power to a Sense of Freedom and Choice.” It’s a day for working on anything that you feel stuck about. So often we’re told or we tell ourselves that we don’t make change because we don’t try hard enough – we lack will power and determination. Focusing is a process that allows change with such ease. We’ll take time to listen deeply to the voices in us that want to change and the voices that don’t want to change and to receive the forward going energy of both.

I find that workshop settings – focusing in groups and in pairs, deepens an understanding of and trust in the focusing process and allows us to experience the richness of focusing with different people throughout the day.

You’ll be surprised what you can accomplish in a day.

Sense into your body to see if there is a wanting there for change

Saturday November 1, $65 10am-4pm

Call or email me to register:

Barbara Culbertson
Certified Focusing Trainer
Certified Katasee Healing Practitioner
Registered Polarity Practitioner
NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #821
919.452.8490
www.heartsinbalance.com
Barb0714@gmail.com

Pause #13: What Lurks in our Inner Landscape

2008-09-23T18:06:00.000-07:00

I taught mindfulness meditation at the Duke University Diet and Fitness Center for eleven years. Over the years as I listened to people discuss their meditation experiences I found how common it was for them to express fears about what might lurk underneath the chatter of the mind. Sometimes people are afraid to do work like Focusing and meditation because they are afraid of what they might find if they look inside – afraid of finding a sense of emptiness or unworthiness hiding out in that inner landscape. Others are afraid they won’t know what to do with what they find inside – that it will overwhelm them or make them uncomfortable in some way.

The magic of focusing is that you learn to be company with, to sit down beside what’s inside instead of going to war with it or drowning in it. When we listen to ourselves with non-judgmental curiosity what one always finds at the bottom of the barrel is precious life-going-forward energy. Once you’ve listened to all the concerns and worries of any specific inner voice then you can begin to listen for what that voice, that part, does want – what it’s passionate about. In the Focusing process you regain energy for your life.

In the Hetaka Tradition that I study, which is an ancient Peruvian spiritual healing tradition, the truth about who we are is that sensation that is created when we feel joyful, passionate, exuberant, happy… the way people often feel when they’ve had a chance to complete a Focusing process.

We’ve been taught that our shadow side is a part of who we are. In the Hetaka Tradition our shadow side is not part of who we are. They believe that we learn from our society at a very young age to create patterned responses (“masks” as the Hetaka’s call them) and we agree to give up a portion of our joy and passion for life in exchange for the services of our mask. And their service to us is to repeat perfectly and over and over automatic responses when the appropriate trigger is present.

To me this is a very fascinating and freeing philosophy. It does leave each individual with a lot of responsibility for the thoughts and emotions we experience throughout the day, but it also points to what power really is – our ability to choose from moment to moment where our attention is. Our most powerful choice would be to live from our joy and passion for being alive. These sensations holds our gifts to the world, our knowingness, our vastness and our ability to communicate with and be fully apart of creation. Focusing helps uncover our true selves—our forward-going-energy.

In November and then again in January I’ll be teaching workshops for experienced Focusers. An experienced Focuser has either completed a Level I workshop or had three private focusing sessions with a Focusing Trainer. Until the workshops, I’m offering 3 sessions for the price of two.

Get ready for the focusing workshops in
November and January:

Buy two sessions - get one free
3 sessions - $120

Offer expires January 1, 2009.

Overeating: Beyond the Myth of Will-Power to a Sense of Freedom and Choice
Saturday, November 1, 10am-5pm

Unfortunately you've possibly been taught and reminded over and over again that if you just had the will-power you would be able to control your eating, smoking, buying…. In interrelationship focusing we take time to listen to, for instance, the part that wants to eat well and also the part that doesn't want to eat well. Come enjoy the support of other focusers to listen deeply and non- judgmentally to our body's wisdom and find your sense of freedom and choice.

Unleashing the Fullness of your Joy to Create Momentum for your Manifestations
Saturday, January 17, 10am-5pm

Do the books and movies on manifestations and attraction excite you and give you hope? And do you sometimes feel discouraged and confused about why your manifestations don’t work? One of the things that block our manifestations is our old outdated blind beliefs – beliefs and fears that are often in our subconscious mind, just below the surface. Another thing that blocks our manifestations is our unwanted repetitive thoughts and behaviors. Because energy follows what we give attention to, part of our manifesting energy follows our blind beliefs and our unwanted patterned responses. Come learn skills that will help you identify blind beliefs and reach a sense of resolve about patterned responses. Experience the sense of wholeness and ease that comes when your joy and passion for living are lined up with the intentions that hold your hopes and dreams.

Pause #12: Action Blocks Continued

2008-09-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

This is a continuation from Pause #11.

FEARFUL HEART says to HAVE A LOT , “you don’t even care about the healing of the earth, my spiritual commitments or generations to come. It says money is evil and it will make you a bad person. You just want people to envy you. If you had your way you would be uncontrollable greedy." I let FEARFUL HEART know that I hear its concerns and I invite this part of me to let me know what it’s afraid might happen if HAVE A LOT were allowed to be uncontrollable greedy. "Then HAVE A LOT would have everything and I would have nothing it says. I don’t want to be left with nothing." "Of course you don’t", I say. "Of course."

As I sit with this information I become curious. "FEARFUL HEART, if you didn’t feel the need to spend your time holding HAVE A LOT at bay what would you do with your time?" FEARFUL HEART was quite a moment then said, “I would write down all the things that I value and in life and create a plan on how to be successful using those values.” "Uummm," I say. And my body feels energized by that suggestion. It feels possibility.

And I allow myself to enjoy that feeling of aliveness and possibility.

Then my curiosity makes me wonder about HAVE A LOT and I remember the sensation of speediness when he speaks. And I remember how exhausted and ungrounded I feel to have his speediness around. So I turn to HAVE A LOT and say hello. And I acknowledge the memory of the speediness and the exhaustion that this part of me creates. To me this part is hyper and exhausting but I’m taking time now to notice what it might be like from it’s point of view.

“Empty… alone… not good enough.” It says. I take time to absorb this information. And I check back with this part of my body to see if those words are the best fit or if there is even a better fit. “Thank you for telling me how you feel.” (I think to myself, “ I would of never guessed that that is how it feels.”) And I sense by a slowing down in my body that HAVE A LOT appreciates my company. As I keep this part of me company I begin to invite it to let me know what it would spend its energy doing if it didn’t feel empty…alone…not good enough. "What if you could count on my company and perhaps over time my friendship, then what would you do with your time?" HAVE A LOT says: "I would want to help FEARFUL HEART with those plans."

As I sit with this information I begin to sense that its safe now for my desire to experience success-- It's safe for me to trust myself enough to claim my values and my skills and to build my professional life according to them; for my community to welcome my skills and integrity. And I take a moment to ask my body to show me how it might be to go forward with a business plan with my values right along side me. And I have a feeling of possibility tangibly in my body.

I thank my body for its wisdom and for in intimacy I feel with these parts.

Thank you for spending time with me, FEARFUL HEART AND HAVE A LOT. Hope you'll stay tuned for the next epsiode of Inner Soaps.

Upcoming Workshops for Experienced Focusers

An experienced focuser has completed Level 1 or has had three private sessions with a focusing trainer.

Overeating: Beyond the Myth of Will-Power to a Sense of Freedom and Choice

and

Unleashing the Fullness of your Joy to Create Momentum for Your Manifestations

Pause # 11: Focusing and Action Blocks

2008-08-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

Focusing is helpful for action blocks. When someone keeps trying and trying to do something but never get its done – there is an action block present. For instance, if I want to eat well and exercise regularly but I don’t that would be considered an action block. In inner relationship focusing we would express the action block like this. “I’m sensing something in me that wants to eat well and exercise regularly and I’m sensing something in me that doesn’t want to eat well and exercise regularly. And over several sessions (the number of sessions varies from person to person) the focuser would take time to listen to these various parts. The following is a part of a series of sessions where a client keeps wishing he were more successful professionally, he has made many efforts toward these kinds of goals but never reaches the goals. We’ll hear him listen to the part of him that doesn’t want to be successful.

So this client begins his focusing session by taking time to notice his body externally, his feet, the bend in his knee, the chair that he’s sitting in, his arms and hands. He notices the texture of the what his hands are touching. Then he moves his attention more internally, noticing for instance the inside of his mouth, then the inner throat area and on down into the torso sensing for places of comfort and discomfort and for ease and disease and for a sense of life energy running through him. He simply observes all of this and takes a moment to remember that his intent is to bring non-judgmental curiosity to all he encounters in his inner landscape. Feeling connected and in his body he begins to invite memories of times when he’s made efforts in increase his success professionally and the sense of frustration he feels when the success doesn’t come. And he invites his body to let him know how it is about the part of him that doesn’t want to be successful. He then turns his attention away from the memories and events and toward his body, he begins to notice the way he holds these experiences of his life in his body.

This is the normal way that focusing sessions begin – its called the lead-in.

To help sort out the various parts that are often present in a focusing session, I’ll give names to the various parts and have them speak in dialogue and write it from first person point of view.

What I notice when I turn my attention to my body is that point where my throat meets the back of my mouth. It’s almost a hiding-out-kind-of vague feeling – like a little tug on the back of my tongue. I acknowledge it and let it know that I feel it there. As I acknowledge it, the sensation drops down to my chest area, like a small sharpness.

As I settle down to spend time with it I get an image of a hand sticking out saying no and the other hand protecting the heart, covering the heart area. I acknowledge this image and settle down to keep it and my heart company. As I sense for a mood or emotion there I see that it would fit to call this part of me FEARFUL HEART.

FEARFUL HEART says its afraid that I will turn into this selfish person if I’m more successful, that I’ll only care about money, and approval from people. And I’ll be one of those people who hurt other people for self gain. This part of me believes that it’s not nice to have money – all those greedy people with lots of money. I let it know I hear its concerns and I check for a sense of resonance – does this information fit with what I feel in my body. The sharpness in my chest lessens and I know that this is a sign that this information is coming from that part of me.

Then another part chimes in: “No, let me have everything I want – beautiful things, lot of travel, anything that makes me happy.” HAVE A LOT create a little bit of a hyped-up feeling to it when it speaks.

Is this the begining of a fight? What will be the solution. Turn in next time to Episode 4 of Inner Soaps (see April 8, 2008 posting).

Pause #10: Classes for Experienced Focusers

2008-07-30T18:41:00.000-07:00

An experienced Focuser has completed Level 1 or has had three private sessions with a focusing trainer.

Getting Unstuck: Moving forward again.
Friday, September 12 7:15pm-9:15pm and Saturday September, 13, 9am-1pm

Are there parts of your life where you feel stuck? A project that you keep putting off, a decision unmade, a conversation that repeats itself endlessly. Come take time to be with that issue and all its complexities and leave with momentum and clarity.

Overeating: Beyond the Myth of Will-Power to a Sense of Freedom and Choice
Saturday, November 1, 10am-5pm

Unfortunately you've possibly been taught and reminded over and over again that if you just had the will-power you would be able to control your eating, smoking, buying…. In interrelationship focusing we take time to listen to, for instance, the part that wants to eat well and also the part that doesn't want to eat well. Come enjoy the support of other focusers to listen deeply and non- judgmentally to our body's wisdom and leave with a sense of freedom and choice.

Health Touch, 3500 Westgate Drive, Suite 504
Durham, NC 27705

$75 per day

More on Criticizing Voices

2008-07-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

When there is a criticizing voice present there is very likely a part of us that feels criticized and vice versa, when there is a part of us that feels less than in anyway it’s because there is a voice inside saying we should feel less than. When we are aware that one part is present it can be very helpful to start listening for the other. In Focusing we say it like this: "I’m sensing something in me that is criticizing and I’m sensing something in me that feels criticized- it believes the criticism." For example, "I’m sensing something in me that says I’m a bad parent and I’m also sensing something in me that agrees with the criticisms. That part of me feels like a failure as a mom--it succumbs to the criticism." So acknowledge both of those, “yes both these parts are present and I can say hello to both of them.” Next, begin to take time to see how to best be with both of those parts without judgment, or analyzing just accepting that both of these are present. Then continue to following the Focusing process. Focusing is a process of listening deeply with loving kindness and compassion to create a sense of resolution and forward-going energy in your life.

To set up a session to work on your criticizing voices call 919.452.8490 or barbwood7@ct.metrocast.net

INTRODUCTION TO FOCUSING

7:00pm - 8:30pm

Tuesday July 22

Monday August 18

3500 Westgate Drive, Suite 504, Durham, NC 27707

No pre-registration. See you there!

Barb Culbertson
Certified Focusing Trainer
Registered Polarity Practitioner
Certified Katasee Healing Practitioner
NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #821
919.452.8490

I welcome your comments or questions. Please feel free to leave comments on the blog page or be in touch by email or phone.

Working with Inner Criticising Voices

2008-07-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

Here is a reminder about inner criticizing voices. Anytime there is a part of you that feels, unworthy, powerless, all those less than kind of feelings, victim feelings, these feelings only exist because there is another voice in there that’s telling you all the reasons you should feel unworthy, powerless, and less than. Some times the criticizing voice is very loud and clear. Other times the criticizing voice can be difficult to detect. You perceive a criticism from the outside and pow – there you are in that less than mode, the victim mode. When you acknowledge that silent critic you can begin to listen deeply to both parts, the part of you that is criticizing and the part that feels criticized. More about that next time.

I welcome your comments or questions. Please feel free to leave comments on the blog page or be in touch by email or phone.

INTRODUCTION TO FOCUSING

7:00pm - 8:30pm

Tuesday July 22

Monday August 18

3500 Westgate Drive, Suite 504, Durham, NC 27707

No pre-registration. See you there!

Barbara Culbertson
Certified Focusing Trainer
Registered Polarity Practitioner
Certified Katasee Healing Practitioner
NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #821

Focusing Workshop

2008-05-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

Introduction to Focusing

Come learn this process of turning toward each and every part of you with
non-judgmental curiosity. You’ll learn to listen to

your body’s amazing wisdom.

Friday June 13, 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm

Saturday June 14, 10:00 am - 4:00 pm

Focusing can help you:

Feel confident in your decision-making

Be easeful in the presence of overwhelming emotions

Resolve traumatic issues from the past

Continue taking steps toward your dreams and goals

Quiet the inner "critic"

Be more gentle with yourself and so much more!

$85

(if you’ve already done a one-hour group introduction
you can come just for Saturday for $65)

To register and get directions email me at barbwood7@ct.metrocast.net

Or call (919) 452.8490

Barbara Culbertson
Certified Focusing Trainer
Registered Polarity Practitioner
Certified Katasee Healing Practitioner
NC Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, #821
barbwood7@ct.metrocast.net
www.heartsinbalance.com

PAUSE #5: Poor Me: Episode Three

2008-05-06T16:10:00.000-07:00

To read the preivous episodes please scroll down.

These are best read slowly…

At the end of Episode Two, Poor Me has just said, “Yes, when things don’t go the way I expect, when they change suddenly, I get confused, like all of a sudden my world changes and I don’t know why.”

I feel compassionate towards this part of me and tears come to the surface, of course this part of me wants help. She feels my presence and can let go and cry. She knows its safe now to express the whole complexity of how it was. The adults in her life were putting out large amounts of energy that her deepest self felt she had to defend against, hide from, find something to hold tight to.

So that’s the memory you go back to when things change unexpectedly in my life. Again I feel compassion for that younger me. I’m glad I’m here to help her now.

I check with my body to see if that’s all but there is still a little tightness in my cheeks so I listen for what’s there. And “Poor Me” says “And I can’t make it stop. It will never change, it will never go away.”

“Oh,” I say – And I remember reading Peter Levine’s book Waking the Tiger. So I say to her, “I know why you believe that – you’re confusing a physiological fact – with a belief about your personal value – I can hear it in your tone of voice. When you say “I can’t make it stop and it will never change”—that’s your system describing what it’s like to be overwhelmed- it’s just a definition of what happens physiologically when a person is overwhelmed and can no longer act in its own defense. Something outside is stronger than what the system can handle. It’s not a description of your self worth or your capabilities. It’s just a description of what your body was experiencing, of overwhelm, of trauma.

We both sit quietly with this coming together of my conscious mind and my body wisdom.

The concentrated tension in my jaw begins to spread out and I can sense this part of me beginning to consider that perhaps there is nothing to be ashamed of. We sit quietly together.

She’s noticing all the years, the energy of resisting the shame. She’s angry that no body has ever explained it to her before. She’s right to be so angry. She likes her anger validated.

And I’m grateful for this Focusing process where I can put together my body’s wisdom with my cognitive thought. With both, I have access to my full intelligence. I can sense possibilities in my life now that had been previously blocked by these inner voices. And when in my daily life I hear Poor Me again, I can sit really close and remind her that it’s just a physiological response not anything about who she is - and turn again to creating my life.

I check in with my body now and there is an openness and expansion, a sense of understanding and resolve.

********

And so now I turn to you my clients and readers. And yes, you are absolutely right, for each person, Poor Me would have a different story – his or her own individual path – different from this person’s story. For my regular Focusing clients I hope this story supports you in your Focusing process. If you don’t know Focusing or if you’re exhausted by your repetitive thought patterns, I can help you. Call or email. I look forward to working with you.

Barbara Culbertson
Certified Focusing Trainer
919.452.8490

Poor Me: Episode Two

2008-04-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

Scroll down to read Episode One

These are best read slowly…

Last episode Go Away “Poor Me” had just expressed concerns about people perceiving Poor Me as weak and how that might mean that people will take advantage of you and say bad things about you. Go Away “Poor Me” continues, “then you don’t get the things you want in life and it’s just a vicious cycle, things fall apart and get worse and worse.”

I can sense how worried she is and let her know that I hear that. She likes having my company. I can tell because the heaviness in my heart that started this conversation is less. And I have such a strong sense of what motivates her fear now. And I’m curious if there is anything else she wants me to understand about how she sees life. I really feel connected to this part of me, I can tell by the way I’ve sunk deeper into my self, more relaxed in my body – no longer a sense that I’m using energy to get away from what’s inside.

She continues, “I really need you to do something to keep all those horrible things from happening – I love being alive and want to live fully and have friends and have the things I need in life to be happy.” Of course you do I say. So do I. It’s reassuring to her that we share the same goals. I let her know that I won’t let those bad things happen to her. I will let her live fully – speak her concerns, not talk about her behind her back, allow her the space and support to create, love, and contribute. There is a trust there. The tightness in my chest has disappeared now and I know that I’m free to turn to Poor Me.

As I turn to her I notice tenseness in my cheeks and I’m curious what’s held there. So I turn my attention there and begin to sense what’s there. And yes, it’s “Poor Me” -there in that sensation.

Hello “Poor me”.

She says, “Ah, at last you are here. Things aren’t going so well and it’s been lonely – no one to talk to.”

Yeah – I let “Go Away Poor Me” block my view of you. Sorry. Go Away ‘Poor Me’ sees now that it’s good for me to spend time with you.

In the past several days I’ve heard you say how isolated and alone you felt Poor Me, but I was confused and thought “Go Away ‘Poor Me’ was all of me – was the real me – the Rational-in-Charge-Me that I’m supposed to live by -- I was merged, identified with that part of me. I lost track of the non-judgmental part of me that listens to everybody – both you and Go Away “Poor Me”. I see that now.

Poor Me continues, “Yes, when things don’t go the way I expect, when they change suddenly, I get confused, like all of a sudden my world changes and I don’t know why.”

“Yes,” I say, “ I can see that that would be confusing.” And I sense that this is a very young part of me. And I notice how shaken this part of me is by unexpected change – she’s letting me know how it was-- what she remembered about being young. Wondering what will happen next, would she get hit, would she get hurt, would there be loud voices and lots of big strong energy in the room overwhelming her whole system in a way that stuns her?. She begins to cry – I can hear a voice say ‘somebody help me.’

**********

Will Poor Me Get the help she needs?

Will anything ever change for Poor Me?

Tune in next time to Inner Soaps for the final Episode of Poor Me.

Barbara Culbertson

919.452.8490
Barbara@heartsinbalance.com

PAUSE #3: POOR ME- Episode One

2008-04-08T18:48:00.001-07:00

In Focusing people learn the skill of listening to opposing inner voices in a way that brings resolution. Pre-focusing, my inner voices reminded me of Soap Operas. I used to watch them in my early teens. As time passed, other aspects of my life began to take up the time that was once saved for afternoon Soaps. Years later I turned on TV and an old favorite, General Hospital, was just beginning and so I sat and watched for a while. It was as if I had never missed an episode. The characters’ lives were so much the same, and they were dealing with the same issues in the same unsuccessful ways. Like soap operas, our repetitive thought patterns and hidden beliefs can keep us going in the same circles through the years of our lives.

Focusing skills can help stop those destructive thought patterns and bring to the surface outdated and unhelpful beliefs. When we understand deeply our inner parts we have a choice about how to use them – we no longer get caught up in them without awareness. If we do, it’s only for a short time – then we can turn to them and because we know them deeply we’ll know what to say to send them happily on their way. They loose their grip.

Occasionally, I’ll be relaying to you contents of people’s focusing sessions to help you learn the process. I’ve decided to describe these sessions as if those thought patterns were characters in a story. I call these stories Inner Soaps. Here is: Poor Me, Episode One

These are best read slowly...

This week I’ve been hearing regularly from something in me that feels sorry for herself, I call her “Poor Me.” Another part of me doesn’t like it that Poor Me feels sorry for herself and wants Poor Me to go away. I call her, Go Away, ‘Poor Me’. Go Away, ‘Poor Me’ is embarrassed that I’m talking about Poor Me in public. I acknowledge the presence of both and I’m beginning to sense how best to be with them. I hold a space for both to be fully present, to rise to the surface so that I can know them intimately.

I know they are there because I feel this heaviness in my chest...So I’m taking time to sense which of these two voices wants my attention first.

“Go Away, Poor me” says that she wants to go first. She’s afraid that people won’t like me any more if I let them know that “Poor me” exists. I acknowledge that I hear what she's telling me. I take time to sit with her. This part of me believes that she’s supposed to have a stiff upper lip. “When things aren’t going the way you like them to – you know,‘just suck it up!’”

“Oh”, I say. I’m silent for a moment then I invite her to let me know what might happen if she refuses to suck it up ?”

“Well” she said, “people see that you are weak and they’ll begin to take advantage of you, talk about you behind your back, say bad things – so that they will look better than you do.”

“Oh,” I say again, no wonder you want “Poor Me” to go away.

**********

Will Go Away, 'Poor Me' always just suck it up?

Will Poor Me ever get her turn to speak?

Tune in next time for Episode Two of Inner Soaps...

Love and Appreciation

2008-03-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

Pause 2: An approach to Anger, Guilt, Depression and Shame

In the book Non-Violent Communication Marshall Rosenberg, a PH. Psychologist, suggest that depression, anger, shame and guilt are actually our friends because they are a sign that one or more of our needs is not being noticed and/or taken care of.

For example: The other day my friend and I were spending some time together and what she was sharing with me brought up some pretty intense emotions for her and I responded to her the best I knew how but she still was feeling the same.

And at some point she said "You're angry with me, I hear it in your tone of voice --why are you angry with me?"

So I stopped a moment and said - "That's right I'm frustrated (which is on the anger continuum) and that means that I have a need that is not being met." So I thought about what unmet need I might have and how I was feeling about not having that need met. Then I told my friend, "I'm embarrassed that I can't help you feel better and that there is a part of me that wants to fix you and make the pain go away. And what I need and want is to be able to contribute to your life and I need you to help me understand what you need right now. "

She said: "You don't know? "

I said: "I have no idea."

So she was quiet and thought. Then she told me what she needed. And I was so relived and happy because I knew how to do that - and she was relieved and happy too.

Most people that practice using these non-violent communication tools know how challenging it is to retrain ourselves to think in terms of our needs and other's needs because we've been trained to mostly ignore all but our most essential needs. Fortunately, on pages 54 and 55 of Non-Violent Communication there is a list of needs. There are seven general categories all with three to ten sub-listings of needs. The seven general categories are: Autonomy, Celebration, Integrity, Interdependence, Play, Spiritual Communion, and Physical Nurturance. The Interdependence category has sixteen needs listed under it. I thought, good grief, how will I ever remember these sixteen needs that are about relating to myself and other people. So I wrote a song to help me and hopefully you remember these needs.

While you look at the score you can also listen to my extended family sing the song (after clicking ok or minimizing about 4 screens). We took about 15 minutes out of our recent Easter gathering to learn and record this. You'll hear our first try not our best. I choose it because of the laughter and love that's in the room as we attempt to sing the tune, say the words and play the instruments all at the same time. Hope you enjoy our laughter, our love and the song.

Listen to the Music

Introductory One Hour Focusing Sessions $30 during the Month of March

2008-02-25T12:03:00.000-08:00

Feeling Overwhelmed?

Desperately wanting a break from that war within?

Would you like to feel confident in handling strong emotions and to have a sense of inner peace?

Let me help you. I'll be with you step by step as you learn to navigate your own internal landscape.

During March, Introductory hour-long Focusing session are only $30.
They are usually $60.

Click on "Contact", then "email Barbara"

Bedtime prayer for Annie

2008-01-05T13:09:00.000-08:00

I like to pray cause it gives me joy
it's better than all my books and toys
cause I sing and dance as I call your names
Creator, Mystery, All the Same

So now I lay me down to sleep
My ma says - not another peep
But I'm still dancin in my soul
And I can't slow down and low and behold
There's angels coming thru my walls
And girl those angels are might tall.

One named Peter and one named Paul
One named Mary, there's another so small.
They circle around me and I feel so light
that it makes me think I could fly all night.

So I lie real still and I count to three
And they whisper in my ear about the jubilee.

How at the end of life there a party be
All the angels and creation and little ole me.
Bright lights all around lots of peace and calm
Lots of loving kindness - like a healing balm.

So I practice each night for my jubilee
I rest in the light that's surrounding me
And I watch as the angels come circle around
And deep inside I go down down.

And in the oneness I rest all night
And sleep in my bed until the morning light.

Amen.

Amen.

by barbara culbertson