PAUSE #3: POOR ME- Episode One

In Focusing people learn the skill of listening to opposing inner voices in a way that brings resolution. Pre-focusing, my inner voices reminded me of Soap Operas. I used to watch them in my early teens. As time passed, other aspects of my life began to take up the time that was once saved for afternoon Soaps. Years later I turned on TV and an old favorite, General Hospital, was just beginning and so I sat and watched for a while. It was as if I had never missed an episode. The characters’ lives were so much the same, and they were dealing with the same issues in the same unsuccessful ways. Like soap operas, our repetitive thought patterns and hidden beliefs can keep us going in the same circles through the years of our lives.

Focusing skills can help stop those destructive thought patterns and bring to the surface outdated and unhelpful beliefs. When we understand deeply our inner parts we have a choice about how to use them – we no longer get caught up in them without awareness. If we do, it’s only for a short time – then we can turn to them and because we know them deeply we’ll know what to say to send them happily on their way. They loose their grip.

Occasionally, I’ll be relaying to you contents of people’s focusing sessions to help you learn the process. I’ve decided to describe these sessions as if those thought patterns were characters in a story. I call these stories Inner Soaps. Here is: Poor Me, Episode One

These are best read slowly...

This week I’ve been hearing regularly from something in me that feels sorry for herself, I call her “Poor Me.” Another part of me doesn’t like it that Poor Me feels sorry for herself and wants Poor Me to go away. I call her, Go Away, ‘Poor Me’. Go Away, ‘Poor Me’ is embarrassed that I’m talking about Poor Me in public. I acknowledge the presence of both and I’m beginning to sense how best to be with them. I hold a space for both to be fully present, to rise to the surface so that I can know them intimately.

I know they are there because I feel this heaviness in my chest...So I’m taking time to sense which of these two voices wants my attention first.

“Go Away, Poor me” says that she wants to go first. She’s afraid that people won’t like me any more if I let them know that “Poor me” exists. I acknowledge that I hear what she's telling me. I take time to sit with her. This part of me believes that she’s supposed to have a stiff upper lip. “When things aren’t going the way you like them to – you know,‘just suck it up!’”

“Oh”, I say. I’m silent for a moment then I invite her to let me know what might happen if she refuses to suck it up ?”

“Well” she said, “people see that you are weak and they’ll begin to take advantage of you, talk about you behind your back, say bad things – so that they will look better than you do.”

“Oh,” I say again, no wonder you want “Poor Me” to go away.

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Will Go Away, 'Poor Me' always just suck it up?

Will Poor Me ever get her turn to speak?

Tune in next time for Episode Two of Inner Soaps...